My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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