This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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