I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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