Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
