I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
