drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
