Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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