Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
