I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
