maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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