Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
