My sheets look like a crime scene.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
