They should really pass out barf bags in church
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
