Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize