eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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