when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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