I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
