Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
