did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize