...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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