Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
