just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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