Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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