Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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