I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
