It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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