I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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