i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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