I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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