So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
