i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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