I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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