remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
