New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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