my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
