you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
