Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize