HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
