She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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