i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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