I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize