laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
