I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
