this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
