I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
