Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
