Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
