Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
