I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
