Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
