what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
