I'm eating all of the evidence.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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