Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
