some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
