You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize