i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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