I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize