i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
