I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
