then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
