i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
