I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
