Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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