I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
