AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
