You really coming over, don't trick.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
