I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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