So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
