Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize