Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize